Run No. 74 - November 3, 2017
Venue: Vientiane, Lao PDR (Mekong Indochina Hash Weekend)
The trail got off to its usual start as we boarded
buses for the ride into the countryside. We had a slight scare as we
were stopped at a police checkpoint and our Vientiane host hasher
says ooops I forgot the paperwork. She called Numbnuts whose advice
was to pay the fine. Never mind, a call to some 'big guy' sorted the
police and we were on our way. Soon all three buses became
separated. 4 x 2 says “why isn’t the hare on the lead bus.” No
worries, hare Knockout Neptune was on our bus ... so we didn't worry
till he said stop here and let me look around, I've only been here
once! Off in the distance another bus flew by going in another
direction so we said the hell with the hare and followed the other
bus. Finally all arrived at the run sight for the mandatory group
picture and instructions from Grand Mistress Nibbles. Soon we were
off. Nice dirt trails, a little climb through a rocky cave like
area, and then a short long split. It was here the clever (read with
sarcasm) hare had put a false trail as well - causing him to have to
run down a couple of front runners who tried to overrun the false
trail which would have put them home in less than 2 kilometers. But
all got back on track for what was a nice meandering dirt road and
trail run through the forest 6 km or so for walkers and 7 to 8 for
runners depending on how much checking they did. way. We all got in
in a reasonable time and with a good thirst worked up.
Once home there were tables of snacks and much beer for all! Some
really great Guacamole and Salsa was provided – but to keep us from
eating too much the organizers had crushed the chips so you could
only eat little bites. Pretty soon lunch was served. There was a lot
although I don’t know what any of it was called??? At this point
Normal (Wicked Witch of the Day – ok for those who know her – most
days!) called over Boob a Lube and Bunny to dress them for the
circle. Grand Mistress Nibbles called a circle …. Seems we are old
enough to sit now, and she introduced her committee and thanked
them. She also brought hares Trigamist, Knockout Neptune, and a
local named Jo in to thank them with beer of course. From how lost
the hares were all day; I guess it was clear Jo did all the work.
Boob now emerged as some Arabian Night wanna be, something like you
might see if you had a bad dream. He proceeded to explain why the
price of the event seemed a little high – was pretty understandable
– very long bus ride with multiple options depending on which lost
bus you were on – steak dinner for the hares the night before to
give them strength – and new tires for the Grand Mistress’s car –
facilitator payments for the local government – paying the hired
hare etc etc etc. Oh yes, about 50,000 baht for Normal’s makeup.
There were the shirts – even Nibbles learns – sizing much better
than the sizes on the Cambodian tablecloth shirts from Siem Reap!
Two of the virgins (a young couple) were called in … before the run
they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, during the run – he
ran off with Boob’s wife and left her in the back with Boob. We know
who got the better of that deal. A guy with a crutch was called in
as a hash hero along with Mademoiselle Latrine; our resident hash
zero. Both were rewarded with beer. The hares (previously thanked by
the Grand Mistress) were brought in to explain why they couldn’t get
the buses to the run site in one go. Adventure training they
replied; bullshit said we! There were a bunch of other senseless
charges but I can’t remember them.
Finally it was the culminating event – virgins. First Bunny posing
as Achmed the Terrorist came in to christen the female virgins. He
did his usual pontificating. He lecherously looked at a few of the
young ladies (ok, maybe not so young), stomped a few of the shirts
into the mud, sprinkled a few lucky lasses with beer, and then got
their old shirts off and new shirts on to much cheering from the
spectators.
Now Achmed was good … but as the male virgins lined up a hush fell
over the circle as an apparition in black appeared. It could have
been the Wicked Witch of the West, Countess Dracula, or perhaps just
Kim Normal in the clothes she normally lounges around the house in.
Male virgins fell to their knees and worshipped her while she dished
out the instructions. Achmed and Boob a Lube served as her man toy
servants. Finally it was shirts off for the boys and new shirts on
(no Mademoiselle Latrine – you may not take your pants off). Finally
it was over – Grand Mistress Nibbles thanked all and we all bused
back; this time without getting lost.
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