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TDH3 Run #74 (written by "Boob-a-Lube")

Run No. 74 - November 3, 2017
Venue: Vientiane, Lao PDR (Mekong Indochina Hash Weekend)

The trail got off to its usual start as we boarded buses for the ride into the countryside. We had a slight scare as we were stopped at a police checkpoint and our Vientiane host hasher says ooops I forgot the paperwork. She called Numbnuts whose advice was to pay the fine. Never mind, a call to some 'big guy' sorted the police and we were on our way. Soon all three buses became separated. 4 x 2 says “why isn’t the hare on the lead bus.” No worries, hare Knockout Neptune was on our bus ... so we didn't worry till he said stop here and let me look around, I've only been here once! Off in the distance another bus flew by going in another direction so we said the hell with the hare and followed the other bus. Finally all arrived at the run sight for the mandatory group picture and instructions from Grand Mistress Nibbles. Soon we were off. Nice dirt trails, a little climb through a rocky cave like area, and then a short long split. It was here the clever (read with sarcasm) hare had put a false trail as well - causing him to have to run down a couple of front runners who tried to overrun the false trail which would have put them home in less than 2 kilometers. But all got back on track for what was a nice meandering dirt road and trail run through the forest 6 km or so for walkers and 7 to 8 for runners depending on how much checking they did. way. We all got in in a reasonable time and with a good thirst worked up.

Once home there were tables of snacks and much beer for all! Some really great Guacamole and Salsa was provided – but to keep us from eating too much the organizers had crushed the chips so you could only eat little bites. Pretty soon lunch was served. There was a lot although I don’t know what any of it was called??? At this point Normal (Wicked Witch of the Day – ok for those who know her – most days!) called over Boob a Lube and Bunny to dress them for the circle. Grand Mistress Nibbles called a circle …. Seems we are old enough to sit now, and she introduced her committee and thanked them. She also brought hares Trigamist, Knockout Neptune, and a local named Jo in to thank them with beer of course. From how lost the hares were all day; I guess it was clear Jo did all the work.

Boob now emerged as some Arabian Night wanna be, something like you might see if you had a bad dream. He proceeded to explain why the price of the event seemed a little high – was pretty understandable – very long bus ride with multiple options depending on which lost bus you were on – steak dinner for the hares the night before to give them strength – and new tires for the Grand Mistress’s car – facilitator payments for the local government – paying the hired hare etc etc etc. Oh yes, about 50,000 baht for Normal’s makeup. There were the shirts – even Nibbles learns – sizing much better than the sizes on the Cambodian tablecloth shirts from Siem Reap! Two of the virgins (a young couple) were called in … before the run they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, during the run – he ran off with Boob’s wife and left her in the back with Boob. We know who got the better of that deal. A guy with a crutch was called in as a hash hero along with Mademoiselle Latrine; our resident hash zero. Both were rewarded with beer. The hares (previously thanked by the Grand Mistress) were brought in to explain why they couldn’t get the buses to the run site in one go. Adventure training they replied; bullshit said we! There were a bunch of other senseless charges but I can’t remember them.

Finally it was the culminating event – virgins. First Bunny posing as Achmed the Terrorist came in to christen the female virgins. He did his usual pontificating. He lecherously looked at a few of the young ladies (ok, maybe not so young), stomped a few of the shirts into the mud, sprinkled a few lucky lasses with beer, and then got their old shirts off and new shirts on to much cheering from the spectators.

Now Achmed was good … but as the male virgins lined up a hush fell over the circle as an apparition in black appeared. It could have been the Wicked Witch of the West, Countess Dracula, or perhaps just Kim Normal in the clothes she normally lounges around the house in. Male virgins fell to their knees and worshipped her while she dished out the instructions. Achmed and Boob a Lube served as her man toy servants. Finally it was shirts off for the boys and new shirts on (no Mademoiselle Latrine – you may not take your pants off). Finally it was over – Grand Mistress Nibbles thanked all and we all bused back; this time without getting lost.

See the pictures: